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My Lovers and I

by The Songs of Tom Smith

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1.
My Lovers and I 03:35
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CHORUS My lovers and I have nothing to/hide The rules are applied My lovers and I for truth will/strive The truth is multiplied She didn’t mind, he smelt like a goat There was an animal allure My husband fell for another woman And I fell for her too My love is overflowing Why should it be contained? I can feel it deep in my/bones It’s running through my veins CHORUS Her new husband wouldn’t own his jealousy He kicked us out on the street Forced her to choose when love is infinite Your love will never be free Now my blood is corrupted and killing me But my love has never strayed I can feel it deep in my bones It’s running through my veins Bridge Don’t invest in secondary love when there’s conflict in the primary Don’t take half a couple’s word the other half’s obliging Protect yourself outside the circle, the rules are applied When everyone can share a calendar, truth is multiplied My grandfather was a Methodist Minister They christened me Diana Chastise not the Goddess of Love You cannot force me to choose I won’t be punished for my/love Bind me not in/chains I can feel it deep in my/bones It’s running through my veins CH x 2
2.
A Wife Gets in the Way 03:37
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Pregnant with me she was distraught Mumma overdosed tried to abort me No greater love than your own child Mother and Dad were proof to the lie The Greeks saw the sun go round the earth Copernicus put it in reverse I say damn to the whole universe It revolves around me, for better or worse Jimmy Boyle was a gangster released I loved him more than a father figure He was a free and dangerous force I wanted outlaws not in-laws I told my woman to give sex up It’s for animals we can rise above She knew where my weakness lied Wanted to marry me, got him on side CHORUS A wife gets in the way I could never be faithful A wife gets in the way Watch out I need my space A wife gets in the way I’m in love with someone else I’m in love with someone else I’m in love with myself! Love’s a delusion that I’m not under That one woman differs from another No greater love in the end Than the love between two men Monogamy is a sexual perversion Me and Jimmy were doing the dirty In the love triangle I didn’t see My wife and Jimmy cheatin’ on me CHORUS
3.
What's a Man to do When He's Given a Handbag? 03:24
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CHORUS What’s a man to do when he’s given a handbag Given a handbag? What’s a man to do when he’s given a handbag Given a handbag? What’s a man to do? She goes to the toilet and leaves you there alone in the bar Fold your arms keep your cool, let rip with a noisy fart Call a mate, talk cars, talk beer – for God’s sake talk about the match Play with your balls, adjust them in your pants, give your arse a manly scratch CHORUS Whatever you do, don’t look inside it, like you even care Don’t ask anyone if it makes you look fat or put it on your shoulder to wear Maybe just rummage right through it, what does she expect? Pull out the lipstick, tampons, panty liners; teach the bitch a lesson CHORUS
4.
Dandy Immortal 04:09
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I moved out of home and into the slum for a lurk I want to be working class but I don’t want to work When you do nothing you can never take the time off Daddy set up a trust fund for me why would I stop him (I’m a dandy immortal) Chucked out of college, my photo was plastered all over Not allowed on the premises – famous at last it just shows ya All art college taught me was marry a rich girl and use her I already married one, I married yours truly (I’m a dandy immortal) CHORUS Conquer death, death in style C/Am Conquer death, death in style C/Am I’m a work of art and I’ll never die Dm/G Sex is a gutless surrender to death and decay Shit is the smell of your death and it won’t go away Embracing mortality, smothered in excrement The intellectual insight caused an erection (so I tossed myself off to) CH I gambled on Wall Street, see me dressed up to the 9’s All the money I made’s more exciting than all it can buy If I leave nothing of worth, least I’m dressed for the part I went to the Phillipines for my final statement in Art (I crucified myself) CH
5.
Are You Lesbian or Are You Straight? 03:03
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Lesbians will judge me on my profile if I put down I’m bi Yes I’ve had sex with a man, no I’m not a Gold-Star Dyke Passing as straight, it’s a false identity but when I went to march for Pride Bi-sexuals went past, I heard them shout, come back when you’ve made up your mind CHORUS Bi-sexual, just make up your mind Are you lesbian or are you straight? Are you straight but just say you’re bi Are you just going through a phase? Had sex with a woman before but sober it was the first I remember standing in the shower feeling like a virgin When I dated a woman she said you’re a lesbian just accept it Do you think you can earn some hipster cred posing as a bi-sexual CHORUS I read a story when I was 15 in Cleo Magazine I pictured myself in that scene - slip my hand down the back of her jeans When I felt her smooth round arse, her touch went right through me Still attracted to men romantically but sexually I was ruined
6.
Chick it Up! 02:41
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2 blokes in the kitchen The chicks are gone, let’s have a listen Do the chores, forget the women 2 men are-a-bitchin’! The kids still want their mum Out all day with all the hobknobs This house needs a woman’s touch An’ I’m just the man for the job, yeah Bridge Ooh ooh ooh ooh Chick it up x2 Turn on the footy, camp it up Don’t have to be gay to be homosexual Let’s have a cuppa Footballers are so pretty to watch, yeah A fella’s work is never finished Put on a record and let’s get ready Rock n roll’s too loud and noisey I wanna hear the words of a melody Bridge CH Chick it up! Chick it up now baby x2
7.
Straight Edge at the Swingers' Bar 03:21
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I used to drink on the job I’m a barman at the swingers’ club And I’m ready for action Busting from her dress it’s a melon platter I could add some fruit to the salad Let’s go to the maze with glory holes Peel my banana, put the cream on top CHORUS Straight edge at the swingers’ bar Only way to be, I’m here for a blast Straight edge at the swingers’ bar I’m dynamite if you push me too far I reach for the nectar, I get a surprise She’s hiding a banana between her thighs I thought you were a girl now I’m not so sure Yes I am a girl but so much more Where’s the honey I ask, wait your turn There’s nectar out the back for dessert She wants to peel my fruit for a suck and lick She can suck it better than any chick CH Hiding in the cold room no escape I know a male stripper owes me a favour He’s happy to help, feeling fruity She’ll squeeze his orange, suck his juices Took the heat off me but I’m over-ripe My stem is a stick of dynamite Let’s go to the maze with glory holes Peel my banana, put the cream on top
8.
Me and You and Sparkledick 02:45
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Me and you and Sparkledick, you say ‘whats all the fuss?’ The dildo is no use to me without your tender touch Well men don’t get a new dick and dildos don’t come cheap I’ll just put it through the dishwasher, wipe it dry and clean Me and you and Sparkledick, ‘whats all the fuss?’ Straight girls want to try me, a non-threatening dyke Like sexual tourists lost in the bright lights This is where I live, your playfulness is cruel Dyketown is lonely; Dyketown is too small Me and you and Sparkledick, Dyketown is too small Bridge Only one egg in the basket but plenty of fish in the sea Stuck in this muddy pond and all I can see Me and you and Sparkledick, you say ‘whats all the fuss?’ The dildo is no use to me without your tender touch A lesbian in the distance and a stirring in my loins It’s a Justin Bieber haircut on a 12 year old boy I need to get my eyes checked, your playfulness is cruel I’m feeling out of practice when Dyketown is too small “ For me and you and Sparkledick, Dyketown is too small Me and you and Sparkledick, Dyketown is too small

about

Are you ready for love? Got space in your diary? Time to fit everyone in?

Gender Identity, Sexuality, Polyamory, Sexual Politics. This the story of My Lovers and I.

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released December 22, 2022

Jon Van Bowman – Guitars and Backing Vocals; Mark Nichols – Bass: Bennet Syme – Drums: Jo Zealand – Guitars, Lead Vocals (1) and Backing Vocals; Tom Smith – Lead Vocals, Paddy Mattress – Lead Vocals (5,8)

Recorded on the stolen lands of the Kaurna people. Sovereignty was never ceded.

CD artwork and design by Jarren Gallway

Recorded and Mixed by Pat Lockwood at Electric Ant Studios in Adelaide, 2022.

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The Songs of Tom Smith Brisbane, Australia

The Songs of Tom Smith is a recording and performance project created by Tom in 2012. It has a large pool of musicians across Brisbane, Sydney, Melbourne and Adelaide.

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